This page is specifically for my fellow Old Blue Survivors (of sexual or physical or emotional abuse) from Christ’s Hospital boarding school.
New 2nd Self Help Group for Old Blues Starting Feb 2024
I’m really pleased to announce that we are planning a 2nd self help group (SHG) to start in February. The first SHG went really well, beyond expectations, and there are some people who’d like to repeat the group, and others who couldn’t join the first time, but would like to now.
Participants said that the last one massively helped them particularly in terms of finding a group that understood both CH and abuse, and of not feeling so alone. The psycho-education on the course also helped people to understand how their body and mind responded to the abuse.
The group is 9 x 90min online sessions (roughly once a week, but with roughly once a month there being time off to do your own self-care and reflections on what you’ve learned). At each session, we do some psycho-education on how abuse affects our mind, body, voice, relationships and power, and then a Q&A and time for sharing.
The group will be facilitated by a female Old Blue who is a qualified counsellor and myself (I am presently a trainee counsellor). The group is free, and is not actual group therapy, although it should be therapeutic.
This self-help group is open to Old Blue survivors of all sexes, genders, sexualities, of all beliefs and none; and it will be a safe non-judgmental place for everyone. To ensure it is a healthy safe space, we do have a screening process.
If you are interested in joining the self help group and would like more information, please contact me at duncan@forsurvivors.co.uk
If you are ready to apply to join the group, then please click to complete the form here.
Christ’s Hospital statement on Abuse
Some of us Old Blues have been in discussions over the last few years with Christ’s Hospital about CH putting out a more meaningful response to abuse than previously given. I was therefore very relieved when CH released this statement last February (2023).
On the one hand it’s a statement that goes much further than institutions usually do in these situations, and on the other hand its not a perfect statement. I’ve received mixed feedback from Old Blues about it. Overall, people are positive about it, but there are two criticisms that keep coming up, so I’ll comment on them below:
1) The lack of promotion of the statement.
People say it seems to be hidden away, that they wouldn’t have known there was a statement if someone like myself had not posted about it on social media.
I was hoping this might be promoted more. February was almost a year ago and I’m still hearing that Old Blues are unaware of the statement. This is why I decided to post about the statement here, in the hope that more people would see it, and it might help them in their healing journey.
2) The words, ‘A culture of abuse, cover-up and complicity existed in wider society. This was reinforced at Christ’s Hospital, where some members of staff gravely abused their power and position,’ sound like CH is making excuses by blaming the culture.
I too was uncomfortable with these words. There was a fair bit of back and forth in meetings about the whole statement, and in the end, a statement like this is going to be a compromise between different parties.
Strangely, when it comes to this one line, the spirit behind it (as far as I could tell) was not to minimise culpability, but rather to reflect feedback from some survivors that it was important to acknowledge that abuse was everywhere, and not necessarily limited to our time at CH.
I write this, not to in any way defend CH, I’m here for survivors, and my desire is that no survivor would be hindered in their healing journey by this one line that I do not think communicates very well the intent of the discussions that I was part of. I’ve had to explain this one line so many times to survivors, that it seemed right to put an explanation here to help others.
Lastly, I’d like to say a big thank you to the Old Blues who took part in the meetings that led to this statement. I know it was no easy thing to sit there.
May 13th 2023 Old Blue Survivor Gathering
I will be at the May 13th gathering and am very much looking forward to meeting some of you again, and also some new faces for the first time. These gatherings are a wonderful way of knowing that we are not alone. No CH staff are present. It’s just for survivors who can also bring a friend for support if need be. If you are an Old Blue survivor of abuse and want to come to the gathering then please either contact me, and I will put you in touch with the organiser, or email Lia directly at listeningch@gmail.com.
May –July 2023 Self Help Group
Dr Penny Freeman LPC is going to be running a self-help group for us Old Blue Survivors over Zoom. Penny is an experienced trauma counsellor who helped me with my PTSD many years ago, and is familiar with the culture of our boarding school in the 80’s and 90’s.
Penny will take us through topics about how trauma has impacted our bodies, voice, power, relationships, and our thinking. We’ll have opportunity to share how we’ve been impacted (IF WE WANT TO SHARE), but we won’t be sharing any details of our abuse, so that we don’t trigger others. We’ll also be looking at how to do self-care, and containment.
Penny will be leading the group and has asked me (Duncan) to co-facilitate.
This self-help group is open to Old Blue survivors of all sexes, genders, sexualities, of all beliefs and none; and it will be a safe non-judgmental place for everyone. To ensure it is a healthy safe space, we do have a screening process.
The group is now full. Access to the form is no longer available.
If you’d like to join the self-help group, please fill in this form or email me at duncan@forsurvivors.co.uk with a note that you would like to join the self-help group, and Penny and myself will start the screening process.
Dates for the group:
Week 1 24th May Wed 7pm – 8:15pm
Week 2 31st May 7pm – 8:15pm
Week 3 7th June 7pm – 8:15pm
Week 4 14th June 7pm – 8:15pm
Week 5 21st June 7pm – 8:15pm
Week 6 28th June 7pm – 8:15pm
Week 7 5th July 7pm – 8:15pm
It is possible to miss one of these weeks, but the group won’t work so well if people miss more than one week.